Not from me....

Something happened yesterday. It was quick but it was great. During the church lesson with the young women, I was asked what "strengthening home and family" meant to me. To be honest, I didn't want to answer and had a hard time thinking about what to say. All I could think about in that moment was our short coming, our lack of a child, our lack of a family unit. I was sitting there just thinking "poor me." Then this weird yet wonderful thing happened. I started talking without really knowing where I was going with my words but I just began to talk. And as I said the words and finished what I had to say, tears welled up and I realized the message was to me from someone who loved me, using me as a mouth piece. I said something like... "For me specifically, we have not been able to have a child and the trial is really hard but in a way it is also such a huge blessing because we get to prepare for this baby. We get to better ourselves individually, better ourselves as a couple, and in turn prepare our home and ourselves to be the best parents for that baby. Many people don't get to prepare like we get to right now." Ummmmm what! Talk about piercing me in the heart. I knew in that moment that my loving Father in Heaven had that very important and beautiful message/reminder for me and used that situation and used me as the mouth piece to convey that message.

This trial is hard. This trial is more than I can handle at times. But after yesterday's reminder, I do realize that it is also a blessing. We have time. Time to nap for a bit longer. Time to go the movies at 9pm last minute for a bit longer. Time to stay in bed together until 10am for a bit longer. Time to better our scripture study together. Time to better ourselves with family home evening. Time to get in the habit of eating at the dining table. Time to talk about what kind of parents we want to be. And the list goes on.....

I am grateful for that reminder.

I also stumbled upon this video this morning and again, I am reminded that yes, it is oh so hard but it can totally be seen as such a blessing. This trial has made me so aware of other things. Like other people's struggles. Like the deep love our Savior has for us. Like how much I need my best friend, Russell. How much I love him. How much I value him. We are experiencing this trial together. There's hard moments, but our relationship has evolved into such a stronger, more beautiful love due to this hard time. I am proud of us for getting through this together and for not letting it harden our love and our faith.



Of Thorns in Roses: The Story of Willa from The McKellars on Vimeo.