5.04.2017

Mia's Story | Part 3, in Birthmom's Perspective

This will be the final part to Mia's birth story. I decided to share it in Birth mom's perspective first because it's just so powerful! Also, she's had it ready since November! I'm a slacker!

Get your Kleenex ready because I'm not sure your eyes will be dry after reading this. I am so so so thankful for this woman I get to call family and friend. She is the perfect example of selflessness. I am also so thankful that she and I have such a strong bond and we are able to write things like this and share them with one another. Love her to pieces.

Ok, you got your Kleenex?

"After Russell, I held her for the first time and that's when I knew the next 2 days were going to be the hardest days of my life.

They moved us to my postpartum room and got everything set up there, then we went to the nursery to see Mia have her first bath. After that, we all went to my room and talked. I can't really remember what we talked about, I was just so tired and ready to sleep as it was already 3:00 in the morning. We agreed that it would be best if Mia slept in the Johnson's room so I could get some rest.

Saturday the 7th was an easy going day that I wanted to spend with my family and Mia. In the morning, I went and got Mia from the Johnson's room so I could spend my time with her. My sisters were texting me and my mom asking if they could come over right when I woke up, so they came up and got to hold Mia and spend time with her as well. Later, my dad and brother came up and we all spent some time together. Claire and Russell came and visited with us once in a while and they couldn't keep their eyes off of Mia, they were so in love.

Saturday night I kept Mia in my room for my last night with her. She was fussy which made it hard to get some rest that I really needed, but my mom helped me out a lot. Finally around 3 in the morning I decided it was the best thing if we co-slept. Whenever I think back to being in the hospital with her, I think back to the moment she was next to me all swaddled up in her blanket that I still have. Baby cuddles are the best and she slept until 7am! I'm grateful I had Saturday just to enjoy.

Sunday was another story. I don't want to say it was the worst day of my life, because it was actually a very beautiful and spiritual day, but it was definitely the hardest. It was Mother's Day and I woke up knowing that I was going to have to relinquish my rights to the most beautiful baby ever and give up my title as a mother for now. The Johnson's came into my room in the morning and we discussed how the day would go. They also gave me a necklace that had the adoption symbol and a meaningful birds nest pendant that was passed from friend to friend to signify the strength they each had going through hard times. We were all able to take the sacrament in the hospital which was a beautiful experience. Right after that, the Johnson's left and my family came and spent our last couple hours with Mia. We took pictures and held her and told her we loved her. My mom and dad, my two sisters, and my brother all gave her a kiss on the forehead. Then we had a family prayer that we silently wept our way through.

At about 2:00pm the social worker and notary came in with my relinquishment papers and I listened to the social worker as she read through the papers. I was able to stay composed until she read number 15 which said "I have chosen to place this child for adoption because I love this child very much and because I believe that the adoption of this child by Russell and Claire is in the child's best interest." To say I love this child very much would be an understatement. After reading through everything, I was able to give Mia a kiss and between sobs, say the words, "I love you so much!". My mom came over and sat by me to comfort me as I officially signed my rights as Mia's mother away.

The social worker and notary left, and I told my family I loved them. They all went outside so I could say my goodbyes before I handed her over to the Johnson's. I changed her diaper, put her in her onsie that said "Best Gift Ever", swaddled her in a blanket, and fed her. When I was done, I went outside with the rolling bassinet, my family all gave me a hug. Then they all walked behind me down the hall, my own little army to help me battle the most difficult moment of my life. I distinctly remember not knowing how to move myself forward, yet I had this overwhelming feeling that was pushing me forward. I was being carried down the hall by the strength of my family and Christ.

We entered the Johnson's room, it was filled with all of our families, and I was able to place Mia into Claire's arms and say Happy Mother's Day as Russell and Claire embraced each other. I went around the room and hugged all of their family. I was able to give Mia a bracelet, identical to the one I have, that had a lotus charm on it, that is a symbol of a bond between two people. Claire's mother told me that the lotus flower is a very sacred flower in Thailand and it is seen with upmost respect.

As I was leaving the room, I took one look back and was able to see Claire and Russell crying tears of joy, and I knew that I had chosen the best thing for Mia. I knew that I had chosen the right couple for Mia and that I could trust them for the rest of mine and Mia's lives. I knew that this was a good thing and that I would be blessed with comfort in times that I need comfort. I knew that I had just gained a whole new family that I can love forever.

As bad as it hurt leaving the hospital with no baby, arriving home with no baby, waking up the next morning with no baby, I know that Mia will have the best life she could have with Claire and Russell as her parents.

November 19, 2016 was a beautiful day as we were able to see Mia be sealed to her mom and dad for eternity. My mom and I were also able to see her be blessed which we are still so grateful for that opportunity. Through time, the pain has healed, and my family and I no longer sees it as bittersweet, but mostly just sweet. We love the Johnson's and have loved watching Mia grow and seeing how happy she is.

I am so grateful for the Johnson's for their strength and love. I'm grateful for my family who have supported me the whole way, especially my mom who is my rock. I'm also grateful for everybody who prayed, fasted, and thought about me. I have felt the thoughts and prayers help me throughout my journey. I love seeing all of Claire's Instagram and Facebook posts and reading through all of the positive comments, it helps me so much seeing how loved the Johnson's are. Most of all, I'm grateful for Mia and the wonderful spirit she blesses us all with. Adoption truly is love."


I warned you! Gosh, we just love her! These words! We will forever cherish them! Part 3 in my perspective soon to come!!!

1 comment:

  1. This is so sweet. Thank you so much for sharing her side of this important day!

    ReplyDelete

I just called to say......I love you.