Life is tough; but so am I

Oh hey, it's almost been a year. Oops.

With Instagram and Facebook, I don't think to update the blog when I can easily just post photos on both. But right now, I need to write. I need to get some stuff down on (virtual) paper.

Life is tough. I've always known this. I'm tough. I've always known this.

As many of you know, RT and I have struggled to start a family. It's been hard. And depressing. And draining. And lonely. And expensive.

In November of 2013, we sought help. Tests were performed; on the both of us. We were told that we both are healthy and there shouldn't be a problem with having a baby. We were told to do a HSG to make sure my tubes were clear. They told us about procedure after procedure that we could do to hopefully get a baby. We walked away from that appointment in November overwhelmed and honestly discouraged. It seemed like so much and above all, so expensive. We just didn't have that money. We decided to try on our own for a bit longer. Honestly, we thought were healthy so what's the problem; lets just try a little longer; I'm sure it will happen soon. Denial.

In July of 2014, reality started to settle in. Maybe we do need medical help even though we're "healthy." I went in for a HSG and again, we were told that everything was good. No blockage in the tubes. We entered into denial again. Let's try on our own again.

In November of 2014, we couldn't try our own anymore. We were suggested an IUI from the very beginning so we started the process. Five days of clomid, over four sonogram appointments and my body was not really cooperating. We were told, "we're in uncharted waters; we've never seen it take this long." Great.....I love hearing this. So they bumped up the clomid dosage and I started take it again. Then all of a sudden, I was ovulating. Even though ONE follicle was at the minimum size, we had to do the procedure. After we stuffed our faces on Thanksgiving, my brother in law gave me the shot to induce ovulation. The next day, the procedure was done. Two weeks later, we were told it was unsuccessful. To say our hearts were broken is a huge understatement. We sobbed together and it sucked. We were so physically, emotionally drained. Decided to stop "trying" for three months and booked a cruise to get away. Christmas was so hard. We wanted to announce the pregnancy over Christmas. Oh well.

In March of 2015, after we returned from our relaxing and fun cruise with some of our bestest friends, I booked appointments to start acupuncture. I was willing to try anything at this point. For eight weeks, I had an acupuncture appointment every week. It helped with my stress, anxiety, cramps, and we were hoping it was helping with blood flow to the uterus. We tried preseed. I took prenatals like I've done for years and still by mid May, I was still not pregnant. And I know, believe me I know, it usually take more time for acupuncture to kick in and work its magic but dude it was getting expensive. Remember fertility treatments and acupuncture are not covered by insurance (that's a whole new conversation).

So in May of 2015, I was ready to try another round of IUI. This round would be a bit different. I was told to do Clomid day 5-9 and hormone shots a couple days after that for as long as my body needs it. So that's what we did. I braved the Clomid again; endured the night sweats and hot flashes. My sweet RT braved the needles and gave me shots in my stomach for six days. In between, we would go in for sonograms and watch for progress. By the third sonogram, I had four follicles that were ready to be the perfect size. We were told that our chances of twins were high. We were ready. Give me triplets if you want, I'll take any precious miracle at this point. The procedure was scheduled. RT gave me another shot to induce ovulation and on RT's birthday, we went in for the procedure. I thought that was a good sign. Everything felt a lot better this round. My body was cooperating. I was not stressed. We knew what was coming. The doctor said everything looked great and he was confident. We felt like this was the time! Another two weeks wait. And another round of progesterone suppositories every night. And this past Tuesday, I got the call I got last time. "It was unsuccessful, I'm sorry."

Again, we cried together. I don't wish this hole in my heart on my worst enemy. It's the worst.

We filmed the process of this past IUI and I am thinking of making a video so yall can get a personal glimpse of what life with infertility is like. We will see if I do it.


RT and I made a plan before we started our second IUI that if it didn't work again, that we would stop with trying and we would dive into the world of adoption. Looks like the time has come. We are obviously sad that this past round didn't work but we are trying to stay positive and are getting excited for the future and meeting our perfect baby somewhere out there.


Adoption is a whole other world that we need to learn about but we are accepting the challenge. We've always known we wanted to adopt, we just didn't know it would be this soon into our marriage. We have a special place in our hearts since my RT was adopted.


We just want to quickly say thank you to everyone who has prayed for us, fasted for us, sent out positive vibes, entered our names in prayer rolls, and so on. We have felt your love and it has helped us tremendously. Please continue to pray for us as we dive into a new chapter. We will need as much love and support as we can as we start this process. We will have a fundraiser to help with adoption expenses and we hope with all of our hearts that you will support us. We love you.


Life is tough; but so am I. I am devastated thinking I will never get the chance of being pregnant. My heart aches when I think I may not be able to feel my baby grow, move, and kick inside me. I don't think that ache will ever go away but I know that there is a baby for us out there and although the precious miracle will not grow in my belly, that baby is growing in my heart. I can't wait for us to meet that miracle. We hope to meet our baby soon.